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15 December 2011 @ 01:40 am
Fat acceptance?  
I'm not sure if that's an accurate term for what's going on with me, but I just felt like writing about my physical body.  I don't really write about it that often, but let me start off by saying that I feel like I'm starting to have a healthy outlook on it.

Kasey heavily encouraged me to start working out.  It wasn't so much that it was him alone, but I was becoming frustrated that I had gained about 70 pounds in 3 years.  I'm not sure if anyone else has ever had a dramatic increase/decrease in weight like that, but it's frustrating!  I mean, dramatic weight loss can be just as unhealthy as dramatic weight gain.  The most frustrating part about the weight gain was the fact that I had to start shopping at the plus sized stores.  I mean, they have some really cute stuff there, but I was in the in between stage where most of them didn't fit quite right.  

Once I was hired at the hospital, I found that I was running out of excuses and running into reason to start working out.  I had several motivators to work out.  One of the biggest ones was being able to cosplay.  Don't get me wrong, some girls can do a GREAT job with the cosplay and are bigger than me, but they also make their own costumes.  I've found that ordering a costume means they will make it a REALLY tight fit.  I do need to learn how to use a sewing machine, but I just haven't been able to figure it out.  Some people may find this to be something really silly, but I'm really self conscious of things looking "Clingy" to me.  My mom used to give me so much flack for that growing up and it's still there.  

The more important reasons I started working out are health related.  My family has a predisposition to Type 2 Diabetes.  I'm sorry, but I've learned so much in school about Type 2 Diabetes and it sounds awful.  Glaucoma, Gangrene, and Glucometers do not sound like any fun to deal with!  That's not even really getting really down and dirty into what Diabetes entails.  Also, I see patients that manage their Diabetes very poorly, so it can turn very serious if managed poorly.   One thing I really need to do for this is kick the soda habit, but I've been trying to do this for over ten years, so I'm not even going there now.  I can only handle so many lifestyle changes at once!  Also, regular exercise can lessen my GI problems!  Yay!

Here comes the question.  I will never be "small."  No matter how much I work out, no matter how many diets I go on, I will never become "model thin."  When I came to this realization, I also realized that this fact did not make me sad, upset, frustrated nor did I want to quit working out.  I realized that due to my bone structure, I will always have big hips and thighs.  

What I have come to realize is that I need to keep my goals realistic and take pride in what I have.  I've also become more and more fine with having no romantic interest in my life.  It's been so long that I've almost forgotten how it all works.