Log in

No account? Create an account
08 December 2011 @ 11:18 am
Yesterday, I found out that Ricky Garduno who wrote 1930's Nightmare Theater died.  From what I found, it may have been suicide, but it's still under investigation.  Looking back, all the signs were there.  I knew him from Tumblr and Facebook, in fact, I was ecstatic that he would talk with me, reblog my posts and all that crap.  I truly felt like he was a good friend of mine, even though I never met him.  When he was happy, I was happy for him.  When he was going through hard times, I always wished the best for him.  I wish now I had been more vocal about my concerns.

But here's the real question:  What can I do?  For someone who so openly asked for no funeral and no greiving, what can I do?  Is it dishonoring his memory to feel sad that I will never be able to talk with him again?   I once could relate.  When I die, I don't want to hinder anyone's life.  In fact, I never have wanted to hinder anyone's life.  That's why I spend most of mine hiding.  Now, I can see why people want to have the time to greive at a funeral, but if Ricky will have one or not is up to his family now.  I will always miss Ricky, but I just hope that I can look back and see all the great things he has left behind for us to enjoy.  I've always thought fondly of Ricky and that will not change.

I hope you found what you were always looking for and may the next life treat you kinder than this one did.

Rest in Peace, Ricky.
Tags: ,
05 November 2011 @ 07:49 pm
What was one mistake that you’ve made that ended up being a blessing in disguise?
Dating Jon.

If we hadn't dated, I wouldn't have gone off the deep end like I did.  If something THAT dramatic had never happened in my life, I would have never gone to Menninger, got the diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, and I would have been battling "depression" for the rest of my life.

Yes, depression is real, but that wasn't why I was depressed for so long.  I don't become depressed like I used to back then.  Yes, I did just spend the entire day alone in my room, but that was to recover from working so hard this week.
24 October 2011 @ 10:30 pm
I overslept this morning!  That really sucked, but no one seemed to notice/care.  I've heard that some people come in late all the time and no one really cares.  I mean, I cared.  Then again, I lost 15 minutes worth of pay today.  I know that may not seem like much, but those 15 minutes add up quick!

Today I've realized that I really need to save money.  I want to go to to Lights All Night in Dallas, but it's over $800 for just one ticket and room combo.  The tickets alone are $150 for the whole time!  I REALLY want to go now since RJD2 and DJ Tiesto will be there.   Plus, it looks like it would be so much fun!  

I guess it would be a good idea to tell how I even know about this concert.  Well, let's flashback to today.  Today was the Miss(ter) pageant that ULM has every year.  Basically for homecoming, ULM will have a drag pageant and the winner is crowned Miss *insert opposing school's name here* and usually it  has some pretty good prizes.  Last year it was a TV.  This year, it was a cash prize.  Somehow, I was dragged into helping Kasey out with the pageant and I spent a good amount of time back stage.  Well, Nikki and I were getting ready to leave and I didn't have my bathrobe.  (It was used as part of Kasey's act)  I went to the guy in charge and his first words were "Hey, Daft Punk.  Awesome."  (I was wearing this shirt)  I then demanded to have my bathrobe back.  Now, I feel like having a large facepalm because of how rude I was to him.  When I got the robe back, I was SUPER nice about it.  I think I said "Thank you" three different ways in the same breath.  (I honestly wanted to GTFO because I was tired and have work at 7 tomorrow morning.)   Later on, he told me about the show and how he wanted to go himself.  I decided that I was going to go, despite the costs.  In all honesty, I feel like I was being a super bitch without meaning to.  Also, I realize that he may have been coming onto me.  

Before I go on, let me tell you how AMAZING it is that I even noticed that someone was COMING ON TO ME.   As we all know, I have Asperger's Syndrome.  Part of the way it affects me is that I'm horrible with social cues.  More specifically, the positive ones.  I can usually tell if someone is annoyed with me or upset, but it's really hard for me to tell if someone is interested in me.  Part of that comes from the fact that I don't look at people when I talk to them.  If I'm looking at someone while talking, more than likely, there is something distracting me on their face.  Usually, it's a zit.  Gross, I know, but they fascinate me.  The fact that I noticed someone taking interest in me is a HUGE accomplishment in of itself.  I mean, would I date this guy?  Eh, first impression wasn't bad, but I've really found a good niche of being single.

 I mean, I have my Tumblr to keep me entertained and I've started liveblogging.  I may spill weekly live blogging here, but for the most part, I have my new Tumblr page for that.  Either follow there or I'll do weekly posts here.  Basically, I'll just copy what I have there once a week to a journal entry with multiple cuts for each chapter and episode I read/watch.  It's not limited to one a day, but the general idea is there will be AT LEAST one a day.  I'm nearly done with my Pokemon Insanity Challenge on Tumblr, so I decided to go further and have a REAL blog challenge.  I may not have anyone following me right now, but all that matters is that I do it and have fun with it.  

Also, I'm really working hard on trying to get a good savings account established.  I feel like if I introduce another person, possibly one that will share fiances with me, I don't want my nice nest egg to be squashed by some jackass that doesn't know how to handle money.  I'm REALLY worried about that one.  I mean, it's so nice of my parents to let me still live in their house and use their insurance while waiting for my part time job to turn into a full time one, but even part time is enough for me to have a really nice nest egg.  

Well, I need to get to sleep.  Have a nice day everyone! 
23 October 2011 @ 11:06 pm

Long story short, I could have a boyfriend if I wanted one.  I just don't want one.

Also, I always thought of myself as one of those who can't live without having someone there, but apparently I can.  I'm doing better than I have been in years.

23 October 2011 @ 10:08 pm
Yeah, I think life has been going well for me.  I know I usually come on here with bad news, but I really think that I should make a positive update for once!  

Work has been going great.  I absolutely love my job in the lab.  My 3 month review went AWESOME.  She had no complaints about me at all other than one we had talked about the day before.  Basically, there's a machine instrument that I have only worked with on a superficial level (basically, I know how to put samples on and off and nothing else) I need to learn how to use it fully, troubleshoot problems with it, find information about it, and everything else about it.  The problem is, it's our back up analyzer that is used rarely.  We are in the window for CAP inspections, so I was told we will train after they have inspected our lab.  Other than that one thing, I'm at really good progress for my position.  I'd LOVE my PRN job to a full time job with insurance, but I know that I'll either have more responsibility or I will be locked down to one department.  Honestly, I want neither, but I may want for more once I'm there longer.  

I only really have two complaints about the job.  One is working for a corporation really does suck.  Just so you know, working in the lab is a never ending stream of stuff the doctors wanted done yesterday.  It's pretty high pressure knowing they want the results now AND right.  Well, in school, we were taught that we get the job done NO MATTER WHAT.  Even if it means doing double overtime just to get one person's test done, we do it.  My job doesn't want to pay me double over time.  In fact, if I clock 15 minutes of overtime, I get bitched at AND have to leave at least 30 minutes early on a different day.  Hours are very unpredictable for me.  I had 9 days in September and 20 this month.   So yeah, losing .5 hours may not seem like that much, but that's money I'm losing.  It's like this because the hospital I work for was sold to the larger corporation because it was going bankrupt, so to keep it open, they are making budget cuts like CRAZY.  My dad explained why employees are the most expensive thing in a business, so I do have a better perspective on it, but it still sucks.

Second is the day shift.  Don't get me wrong, all of my co-workers are amazing people.  I may not love every last one of them, but they are all easy to get along with.  Even the people I don't like all that much aren't hard to get along with.  Everyone is fairly easy going, the drama stays pretty contained (i.e. I've tuned myself out of it well so far)  but here's the problem.  The synergy among some of these people can get REALLY annoying.  Especially between these three ladies up there.   Okay, so I'm not using names, but we have J, H, and M.  J and M work together all the time with little to no problem.  In fact, I work that department all the time and it's pretty great.  J can get lazy, but whatever.  When J and H work together... they get REALLY freaking lazy.  Okay, so I wasn't even in that department on Thursday, but the department I was in was really slow.  Had been for over an hour.    I didn't want to go on break since I had taken my morning break and it wasn't anywhere near lunch time.  So I head back there and I see three specimens that needed processing.  Whatever, I just get to work without a second thought.  J and H were freaking clothes shopping on the internet while I was processing these specimens.  I mean, what the fuck?  I was doing their work for them and they were freaking clothes shopping!

What makes this better was the tube system was down.  It was down for four hours.  So of course we were SEVERELY back logged once it started running again.  Later that day, I had to process 8 specimens.  I know that doesn't sound like much, but with the nature of what they were (I'll tell you and explain if anyone wants to know.  My job is pretty gross and I don't want to gross anyone out) it took me 2 1/2 hours to get results out for 7 of the 8 specimens.  Yeah, I was PISSED when I found out how easy the tube system is to fix.  I'm going to get Lauren to teach me how to fix it and then fix it on days if it ever breaks again.  :D

I know I really went into detail and kind of bitched for a bit there, but I really do love my job and I'm really happy to be there.  There are some people there that aren't overly fond of me, I can tell that.   Honestly, I'm not really upset about that.  It's their right to like me or dislike me as much as they want to because at the end of the day, I'm not there to make friends.  I have a job to do and plan to do it to the best of my abilities.  Thankfully, most of the people there like me.  I'm nice to just about everyone and civil to everyone there.  Overall, it's been one of the best things to happen to me in my life.  

Working out has been doing pretty badly, but I still manage to get to the gym some days.  This past week has been better since I've started taking initiative and going by myself.  Kasey has been too busy with classes and Laura flakes WAY too much for me to rely on her, so I've just been going by myself.  I've had several people comment on how good I'm looking.  Not even just the weight loss, but that I generally look better.  I think it has to do with several things:

- I'm working at a job I love
- I'm working out
- I'm not hiding my true self from anyone nor change my personality to impress anyone
- I can do the things I love and not feel guilty about enjoying myself
- and I generally just feel happier

Honestly, I'm impressed that I'm this happy and single.  I haven't dated anyone in two years and have been celibate for 14 months now.   I haven't seriously dated anyone in over three years...

HOLY COW, THAT'S A LONG TIME.   Sorry, it's just that writing it out like that makes it more real to me.  Sorry, I have to make a separate entry for this part. 
30 August 2011 @ 04:47 am
Oh man, so yesterday was just all kinds of up and downs, it was kind of crazy.

I woke up WITH MY ALARM.  Which is  normally a good thing.  I set it two hours before work.  I woke up at 4 AM.  I got such little sleep that it wasn't looking good for me.   I get to work (later than usual despite how early I got up) and my stomach decides that it wants to flip the fuck out on me, so I clocked in 3 minutes late while it was doing that.  I was so nervous that the Chemistry Supervisor (A.K.A. "Mama Heard") was going to be on my case.  She wasn't even there!  

Chemistry went alright.  I messed up a couple of samples.  One had to be recollected because it's a whole blood sample and I put it in the centrafuge.  Rocco didn't like it very much, but didn't get too angry at me because I honestly had no clue it was a whole blood sample.  The track went down, so we had to load everything manually.  Basically, "the track" is this converibelt that we can load samples on to easily and it will spin down the tubes, put the tubes on the correct instruments, and store the finished tubes in locations of ones that were not logged in and ones that were finished.  It sounds like it's a really nice system when it works.  The tube decapper was not working, so none of the tubes were being decapped.  Turns out the track was flooded, so the decapper wasn't able to have the pressure it needed to decap the tubes.  WELCOME TO LOUISIANA, FOLKS!  Seriously, a guy quit Siemens because of how many hours he would spend at the hospital trying to get our instruments to work properly.  I can't think of a day that every instrument in the lab has ran perfectly the entire day.

ANYWAY, I haven't gotten to the good part of yesterday.  Well, it was good for me anyway.  So I was about to go to lunch break (at 12:45... EARLY!)  and Janet came up to me with a bag in her hand.  She asked if I would be willing to take the bag to St. Francis, the hospital where I trained.  I was estatic.   Janet told me that Judy, the supervisor, had requested that I do this.  I could not beleive that she truseted me so much to not only leave the hospital, but take this specimen, and come right back without doing other things.  Now that I look back, I maybe could have gotten lunch OUT yesterday, but I didn't want to do anything that would lose graces with the supervisor. (Especially since I don't feel like I'm on her good side either.  I'm not on her BAD side, but...) 

Seriously, guys, that was such an honor to me and it made me feel so excited and happy they trust me that much up there.  Today we get the students!  I know all of the ones coming in by name.  I know ALL of them, but I only know about half by their name, but the bunch that are coming in today I know especially well except one.  I hope they will have a good first day!  I know I was excited my first day.
Current Mood: hungryhungry
15 August 2011 @ 05:14 pm
Right now, my mom and I are fighting.  Over what, God only knows.  I think it's the fact I pissed her off about bitching about my Gastro visit on top of not fixing her iPhone.  I'm sorry, but I've told her a million times that I don't know iProducts really well and I can't really do much about them.  The wifi stopped working on the phone and I reentered the password.  It didn't work.  Honestly, that's all I know to do.  She wanted me to hook it up to her computer and see if that would make it come back online.  I knew that wouldn't help, but she insisted.  I told her to take it to AT&T.  My dad told her to do it too.  She's been pissy ever since.  This was Saturday.  I've since apologized.  She refused to accept my apology.  I'm done.  Until she can stop being such a 3 year old, then I'm just going to have to be done with her.  I'll just save my money, pay my own medical bills and move out ASAP.  If she is going to hold her grudge like this because she hates her job, then that's her problem.  There is no reason it should bring me down any longer than needed. 

Work has gotten better.  Today I get along with my supervisor and she was really nice about doing the request I put in.  I have to take off on Sept. 21st to go to traffic court.  They won't let me pay my ticket outside of court, so I have to go.  The date they wrote on my ticket itself was wrong (turns out, it was a SUNDAY.  I'm sure I would have been the only person there.)  Micro is pretty complex, but I'm enjoying it more than Hematology.  I don't hate Hematology, but it's just really frustrating.  

I'm caught up on Mawaru Penguindrum.  Still haven't caught up on Tiger and Bunny.  No. 6 is still my current obsession.  I haven't decided what I'm going to watch this week after work.  I have Code Geass R1, Black Butler, Tiger and Bunny or I could start Durarara!  More than likely, I'll finish Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi because I'm a tool.  No, yaoi isn't bad, but sometimes it's about all I can mentally handle after working.

So excited for Friday though.  My parents are going out of town and I work on Saturday, so I won't see them for two days.  YAY.

Speaking of which, my mom came home.  Time for me to get ready to work out and leave.
09 August 2011 @ 10:57 pm

 I mean, what the hell?  I'm STILL awake!  I was so tired at work today and I've been awake for so long.  Maybe it's the whole working out later in the day thing.  Or maybe it's just the fact that there are too many "oooh shiny!" on the internet.  I think it's the later.

Work has been really hit or miss since going to Bac-T.  All they really have me doing is specimen processing, but some reading.  I'm not saying that specimen processing is unimportant, but I know for a fact that a Medical Technician can do all of it for less money.  (But I'm not telling them that!  shhhhh!!!!)  One of the ladies fussed at me for being on my phone while waiting for a meeting to start.  This lady is just.... weird.  The way she treats me is kind of odd.  She's not really rude, but it seems like she feels like she can get away with talking down to me since she knows my parents?   It's really annoying.  The supervisor of the Bac-T department treats me like an adult.  She knows both my parents AND she has reasons to talk down to me (supervisor, being older than my parents, having newbies fuck up all the time in Bac-T) but she doesn't.  Eh, it's just people. 


I started watching Tiger and Bunny.  I was supposed to watch more today, but I'm a freaking idiot I got distracted.  There is this person who I thought was going to talk to me via IM tonight and I waited for this person to log on for two and a half hours, but I'm really done with this person.  I mean, it takes you six days to reply to a message and all you say is "LOL THIS WEBSITE IS NOT RELIABLE."  I call bullshit on that.  The messages sent said it was sent via cellphone.  Unless the iPhone version of the app. is that much worse (I don't think it would be, by the way), then this person would have gotten an alert pretty quick!  Maybe this app works like Words with Friends does on my cell phone.  I'm supposed to get alerts when the other person has played, but I never do.  

Not having stomach problems currently, but they tend to come in cycles, so I'm not holding my breath.  Hopefully, I'll get a colonoscope next month.  The real trick is getting a Monday or two consecutive days off so I can prep and go.  I'm pretty sure I'll be able to work the day after the procedure, but I just REALLY hope that if I get this done, my pain will end.  

Still working out.  I have lost 10 pounds and people can tell I've lost weight.  I don't think it's so much I'm losing weight as much as it's shifting and converting to muscle.  My calves are the same size, but are way more solid.  I'm pretty sure once the fat goes to muscle, they will look awesome.  Plus, I'm on the elliptical all the time.  

Seriously, Jones, I've got to get some SLEEP.

06 August 2011 @ 07:53 am

So I work yesterday, I nearly broke a $20,000 part on an insturment that was replaced yesterday.  GO ME.  I was pretty upset by it, but I'm kind of over it now.  Especially since I won't be going back to hematology until Friday.  I start Bacteria (we call it "Bac-T" in the lab) on Monday.  I'm pretty excited for something different.  I won't be training blood bank yet, but I don't think they put PRNs in blood bank.  Shannon from LIfeShare will be sad to hear that.  (Shannon was my teacher at LIfeShare when I was in school and he HEAVILY encouraged me to get a blood bank job.  I think I was one of the best students he had.) 

About my stomach.  My mom decided to give me pills for "nervous stomach" despite not being able to get a colonoscope for at least a month.  I think they are working, but I'm not sure if it's a placebo effect or not.  I feel like I need them constantly, but I just take one before I eat and I'm good to go.  Honestly, I don't really care if it's placebo, just as long as it keeps working, I really don't care. 

Has anyone on my friends list watched No. 6 yet?  I've been throughly enjoying it!  Followers on my Tumblr can see that, haha.  I pretty much only reblog like a beast on Saturdays when I'm resting up from work.  I'm starting to get more used to working, but I still feel pretty tired.

Yeah, that's all I have for now.